still here

Hey everyone who reads this. The last month has been full of a lot of stress and anxiety through work, school/finals, and health issues. To those who do not know, my father was diagnosed with a pituitary tumor that was putting pressure on his optical nerves that distorted his vision to a great extent. The surgery went really well; we were really blessed by that. After 5 days in the hospital he was home in time for Christmas, and his vision has undistorted, but it is still blurry. I really appreciate everyone's prayers and support. It has been very good and necessary. Christmas was different this year than most, but it was actually really nice. Good times with family. Thank you!

My Japanese friend's father also was in the hospital with a serious pneumonia. It sounds like it could be ARDS or something similar, but in the last serveral days he has been recovering some amount. He is out of critical condition. I've been praying, but wow, that is a lot to manage being away from home. Please remember her and her family in your prayers.

Today I learned that my grandfather went to the hospital because he was feeling very bad. There may be some sort of heart problem, but he was dehydrated, and may not have eaten very much. He was transferred to a different hospital and is doing alright right now. We had a good time with my grandparents on Christmas, and I went stomping through the woods with him trying to take some pictures. It was good, but I hope he is okay. Also remember him in your prayers.

I've noticed some things about my personality or tendencies through these last few weeks. I think feeling out of control of situations ends up drawing a bad attitude out, and draws up a lot more issues with lust or mean-spiritedness in my attempts to regain control of something. Those things have healed a lot over the last couple years as I have been following Christ, but there are still some things left to work on.

In other news, there is always the question of relationships. I've been doing a lot of thinking and praying this semester about myself and about pursing romance. I think about the changes in lifestyle that not being single would bring about. Time being the one big issue. I also think how much I mess up and how confusing feelings become, and it terrifies me. I mean, if I was to end up marrying someone, she would most certainly have to be gracious. To put up with the things I do / me. And deep down, I know I do not deserve that. I suppose I sound kind of self-deprecating, but I think it's something to remain sober about. I mean, when there is conflict, when there is tension, I don't always do the right thing. So, these are issues of deep down insecurity, I suppose. But it's helpful for me to be aware of them and to use them in a healthy way. But do I make a move? When? Not too much clarity is coming, so I will keep waiting a bit longer.

OK, I may try to go to sleep soon, I could use the rest. Thanks everyone for everything.